Over Spring Break, my daughter and I went on a little wellness getaway. We stayed at a hotel with a resort vibe. One of those places where you keep running into the same people over and over again. Ever had that happen?
There was one particular family we kept seeing everywhere; almost to the point of being creepy. At one point, my daughter admitted she felt judged by the mother. She said the woman kept looking at her a certain way.
Now, I remember what it was like as a teenager. Hyper-aware of how others saw me, always feeling like I was being analyzed. But let’s be honest, that feeling doesn’t magically disappear with age. Most of us, including me, still worry about what others think. It took me years to stop caring so much. And even then, it’s really about learning to put things into perspective.
That led to a great conversation with my daughter; about not letting others dictate how we feel about ourselves and learning to tune out the noise. The truth is, more than ever, everyone has an opinion about something. And no matter what you do, you’ll never please everyone. Trying will only leave you as the loser in the end.
I’ve always been a bit of a people-pleaser. As a business owner, of course I want to keep my clients happy. But there’s a balance. And that extends beyond work, it’s in our personal lives too. The need to please everyone or juggle too many responsibilities: volunteering, projects, commitments, can push you to the breaking point. I’ve felt it. Not long ago, I was so overwhelmed that it started affecting my health.
So, back to my daughter’s comment. We deconstructed the situation. Was the mother actually judging her, or was she just lost in thought? Maybe she had an argument with her husband or kids. Not everything is about us.
But let’s say she was judging us. Why do people judge? More often than not, it’s about their own insecurities, sometimes even envy. The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer is often credited with saying that the highest form of recognition is envy.
Ever heard of crab mentality? If you put crabs in a bucket, as soon as one tries to climb out, the others pull it back down. Now, think about that in human terms. Ever had a time when you wanted to make a big change; a new job, a new hobby, becoming self-employed, only to have people shoot down your ideas? Some people struggle to be happy for others because they can’t find happiness for themselves.
When I was soul-searching about my career in 2013, I seriously considered quitting my secure full-time job to start my own business. I ran the idea by a few people, including someone I considered a mentor. Their response? “Bad idea. It won’t work.” Keep in mind, I wasn’t inventing something brand new; recruiting and headhunting were already a thing! But they just didn’t see it.
I disagreed and sought input from others I trusted. If I had listened to the negative voices, I never would have started Gerard Search, or now, Phil’sJobs.
My advice? Share your ideas with a select few you trust. Seek out constructive feedback , but also beware of the yes-sayers who don’t care enough to really think about your idea.
So, back to my conversation with my daughter: Don’t care so much about what other people think. At the end of the day, they don’t care enough about you that it truly matters anyway. Don’t try to please everyone. Focus on what’s important to you and run with it. Make it work.