Nothing brightens my inbox like an email sprinkled with creative profanity. Yes, the F-word, in all caps, used for maximum dramatic effect… and yes, I actually get those.
Thankfully, it's rare, and most of the time, it’s when people think their message isn’t actually going to me. Usually, it’s unsubscribes and people claiming we signed them up when we never do without consent. (Thanks to our tech, I can prove it.) And what do I get after I respond politely with proof attached? Nothing. No apology. No acknowledgment. Radio silence.
Why is that? You wouldn’t act like that to someone face-to-face. So why do we feel safe being rude online when, in reality, we’re not anonymous at all?
Neuroscientist Abigail Marsh has some fascinating insights here. She studies empathy and psychopathy, the same spectrum that spans ruthless, self-centred behaviour to extraordinary generosity. Her research shows that people high in empathy respond differently to others’ distress, and even tiny social cues, like eye contact or body language, can dramatically shape how we act. Online, those cues vanish. We’re stripped of the subtle feedback that normally keeps us civil. That doesn’t make us psychopaths; it just shows how our social wiring can short-circuit in the digital world.
And here’s why this matters in the professional world and for career growth: Online behaviour matters. Every email, LinkedIn message, or even unsubscribe request leaves an impression. A candidate might behave aggressively in an email and be a dream in person, or vice versa, but the perception exists, and it’s real. Hiring managers might wonder, if they act like this online, how will they behave with a donor or client? For recruiters, hiring managers, and HR pros, it’s a balancing act: reading between the lines of online behaviour while remembering that human beings are often much kinder, more professional, and more nuanced in real life.
For anyone in the job market, or for professionals in general: treat your online interactions the way you would face-to-face. Pause before firing off a harsh email. Think about tone, empathy, and impact. The digital world may feel anonymous, but it’s not, and the impressions you leave are lasting.
Next time you’re tempted to drop an F-bomb in an unsubscribe email or fire off a ranty LinkedIn comment, pause for a second. Picture saying it to someone face-to-face. Odds are, you wouldn’t. That little moment of pause? Probably the most human thing you’ll do all day.