What one “joke” gets wrong about identity, belonging, and why Pride still matters at home, at work, and everywhere in between.
Last week, I came across something that made me stop in my tracks. A WhatsApp status that read:
“This month, make sure you thank a straight person for your existence!”
Yes, really.
My daughter saw it too. She showed it to me, wide-eyed: “Woah, I don’t even know what to say to this, Dad.” Neither did I. My first reaction? Somewhere between What the hell? and a silent scream. I felt everything: anger, disbelief, frustration, and, yes, that old, familiar sting of helplessness. My daughter didn’t let it go. She challenged the person who posted it. Their response?
“Isn’t it the truth? There’s nothing discriminatory about it.”
Later, we talked about it. Some might argue it was just a harmless joke. Maybe even “technically true.” But it’s not harmless. And it’s not just a joke. Let’s break that sentence down. That sentence, “Thank a straight person for your existence”, might sound like a biological fact on the surface. But underneath, it’s dismissive. And worse, demeaning.
What it really says is: “You only exist because straight people had sex and made babies. You’re here because of us. So you owe us.” As if we should be grateful just to be here.
And by the way, having kids or being in a heterosexual marriage doesn’t automatically make you straight. I’m living proof.
That kind of logic reduces 2SLGBTQ+ identity to a byproduct of straightness, like we’re some accidental outcome, rather than whole, worthy people with lives, cultures, and histories of our own. And saying it during Pride Month, of all times, hits especially hard. Pride is about visibility, dignity, and celebration. Not about centring straight fragility. Not about reducing queer existence to a punchline. Because when someone says this during Pride, they’re doing more than stating biology. They’re doing three things:
- Centring themselves in a space that isn’t about them.
- Dismissing queer struggle, as though our existence is something to be tolerated, not honoured.
- Demanding gratitude from people who’ve been criminalized, erased, and shamed by systems built to serve straight society.
It’s like saying “All Lives Matter” in response to “Black Lives Matter.” It’s not neutral. It’s not harmless. It’s a power play dressed up as a punchline.
Why Pride Still Matters
There’s no “Straight Month” because straight people have never been jailed, beaten, or murdered for being straight. They’ve never been criminalized for loving someone. 2SLGBTQ+ people have.
When I was growing up in Germany in the ’80s and early ’90s, homosexuality was still technically illegal. Paragraph 175, a law dating back to 1871, criminalized male homosexuality. It stayed on the books until 1994. I was 20. I wasn’t out then. I didn’t dare to be. I wasn’t super obvious, but I sat by and stayed silent when I heard all the homophobic jokes, slurs, and throwaway comments that were so common, often from the same people who now like to perform openness and “wokeness.” It was always hard to fit in. I didn’t feel like I belonged with the straight crowd, but I didn’t think I had any other option. So I stayed closeted for most of my life. Coming out cost me, and it cost others, too. My kids. My ex-wife. We all paid a price. Many of us lived double lives (and still do) because we thought it was the only way we’d ever be accepted. The only way we could belong.
So no, I won’t be thanking a straight person for my existence.
Who I Will Thank
If anything, I’ll thank the 2SLGBTQ+ folks who fought back, the ones who risked everything so people like me could live openly. I’ll thank those who marched when it was (and still is) dangerous. I’ll thank my daughter, who didn’t stay quiet. And I’ll thank my younger self for hanging in there. I’ll also forgive my older self for not doing more, sooner.
This Pride, I’m not here to thank the status quo. I’m here to honour the people who made it possible for me to live honestly and raise a daughter who speaks up, too.
Pride at Work Still Matters, Too
Pride isn’t just about parades. It’s also about how safe we feel at home. In our communities. And in our workplaces.
Too many 2SLGBTQ+ people still hide who they are at work. Or second-guess whether coming out will cost them opportunities. Or quietly accept that certain employers, sectors, or teams might never feel safe.
Through my work at Gerard Search and Phil’sJobs Jobs, I see it firsthand:
Inclusive workplaces don’t happen by accident. They happen when we:
- Hire with intention
- Listen more than we talk
- Create cultures where people can bring their full selves to the table and be celebrated for it
So yes, Pride is personal. But it’s professional too.
Because everyone deserves a job where they don’t have to hide.
And no one should have to say thank you just to exist.